I've Been Assimilated

Resistance is futile...

So you may or may not be familiar with the classic 1982 hit song "Down Under" by Men at Work, where we hear the lines :

I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"

He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich.

While the song has to do with the things and people of Australia, New Zealand has a similar product known as Marmite:

As you can see from the label, it's a "yeast spread". Sounds appetizing already, yeah?

So in brief, back in the day (1870), Napoleon III ordered a million cans of beef from England to feed his starving army. At the time, England was not possessed of this much livestock, so they whipped up a little substance called Bovril - a thick, salty beef extract - to get the soldiers their much-needed protein instead. As it proved to be quite nourishing, a vegetarian version was eventually produced from yeast extracts (a by-product of the beer brewing process, thriftily enough) and christened "Marmite". It's strong, distinctive flavor is reflected in the marketing slogan "Love it or hate it", as people usually fall firmly into one of the two categories. While New Zealand used the original British recipe for a number of years, in true Kiwi style they began fiddling with the ingredients such that NZ Marmite is now its own unique product.

I've tried Vegemite and Marmite occasionally over the years, and always fallen into the "hate it" camp, because frankly, it tastes wretched. Our original Kiwi friend Tim assured me that this was because I wasn't eating it properly: with the thinnest possible scrape across bread, and combined with butter, cheese, and sometimes complimentary toppings like avocado and tomato. But seriously, why you would eat anything that is only marginally palatable in a quarter millimeter proportions?

Especially since it looks like industrial lubricant,


and smells about as good as it looks.


Weeeeeeeell, over the last few months I've been helping out with our church's Mainly Music program, a twice weekly sing-a-long for preschoolers and their mums. We provide snacks for the kids which often include little butter and marmite sandwiches. I figured that was the secret to liking it - infant indoctrination - since most Kiwis quite prefer it to peanut butter (go figure on THAT logic. Weirdos). Since we often work hard and rather near to lunchtime, sometimes I'd have a nibble of whatever might be left on the snack tray, including the aforementioned sandwich monstrosities. This was mostly to test myself to see if I still found them awful, which I did... until a few months ago.

Apparently, like coffee, Marmite can also be an aquired taste. Though I've never actually acclimated to coffee, I began to regard Marmite as less and less horrid over time, until one day I found I was actually craving a marmite-butter-cheese-tomato-and-avocado sandwich for lunch. So the next day I went out and did the unthinkable: I bought my very own whole jar of Marmite. Funnily enough, I found it in a nice tiny size that was probably made for people like me, in case we should come to our senses again, sooner rather than later.

So while I can truly claim to be someone who neither loves nor hates Marmite, I can actually appreciate what a savory smudge can do to liven up a cheese sandwich.

So, your challenge this week is this: I double dog dare you to try it. Oh yes, they do sell it in the States, though Vegemite is easier to find as it's made by good ol' American company Kraft Foods. And while British Marmite, Kiwi Marmite, and Vegemite all look just the same, apparently they each have their own distinct flavor, though you couldn't prove it by me; I haven't gone that native.

Marmite, anyone?